Self-compassion is easy for my cat,

whom you see depicted here. Sometimes, though, it’s a little trickier for us humans. We come up in a world that teaches us that being kind to ourselves is self-indulgent, soft, sickly-saccharine, and definitively selfish. Even if we don’t ascribe to those judgements and would really like to be kinder to ourselves, this can seem like an insurmountable goal.

So what is mindful self-compassion, anyway? It can be helpful to start with what mindful self-compassion is NOT. It is not self-pity, feeling sorry for oneself or feelings of entitlement. It’s not squishy, it’s not necessarily soft either. Self compassion is about “being kind to oneself when confronting personal inadequacies or situational difficulties, framing the imperfection of life in terms of common humanity, and being mindful of negative emotions so that one neither suppresses nor ruminates on them.” (Neff &Beretvas, 2012). It is also about responding to difficulties - from everyday annoyances to catastrophic losses - with care. Sometimes compassion is soft - a soothing voice, a warm embrace. And sometimes it’s fierce and action oriented - loving actions taken to enforce boundaries or address harm done to ourselves or others. It is adaptable, maleable, and situation specific - but kindness is always at the center.

I learned mindful self-compassion in a formal way through a teacher training program with the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, and mindfulness (or insight) meditation from various western convert Buddhist teachers. Meditation, and mindful self-compassion respectively, are derived from a rich 2,500 year old history and living Buddhist lineage that spans the globe. Asian diaspora in the Unites States have labored for well over 100 years to preserve and honor their traditions, often in the face of violence and persecution. Without their enduring commitment to sharing and maintaining their teachings, westerners like myself would never have been able to access and benefit from them. I am humbly grateful for their persistence and generosity, which in turn allows me to share what I’ve learned with you!